The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
