This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
