its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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