you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
