Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
