walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
