The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
