If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
