im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
