Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just gargled with NyQuil
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
