Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
