oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
