there's paper in my vomit.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish you could order shots online.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
