i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
