last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
