Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
