stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
