and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
