Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
