I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
