what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
