found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Ketchup is God's man juice
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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