we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
