took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
