Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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