I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
