I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
