new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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