the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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