She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
