i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
