I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He did a backflip because drugs
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
