I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
