oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
