He asked me if I "almost moaned"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
