well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
