My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
