She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
a search helicopter?!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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