I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
