guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
