I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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