Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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