That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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