Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
