maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
