nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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