Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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