I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
