Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
