I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
