you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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