There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
